oppressive....

Well, yes, although the rigidity of the protocol in Italy regarding such things as hygiene (since we're on the subject), dress , and formulaic responses can serve as a useful guide in some situations, at other moments it can become truly oppressive, leading this ex-pat and others like me to shout, "BASTA"! just let me be my disorderly, unhygenic, clueless self!

But for those of you who would like a few tips:

hygiene and cleanliness: a big issue in Italy, though highly contradictory, as anyone who has taken a public bus in Italy at rush hour will agree! Yes, we all have our bidets, but some folks forget that the shower is an option too. More on that another time. So here are a few situations where Italians will peg you as an outsider if you don't conform:

the pool or gym: god forbid you should set foot in a locker room or shower, or poolside, without a pair of clean rubber thongs (ciabatte) on your feet. They can be anything from the fashionable Brazilian models kids favor to the ugly supermarket style, but they must be under your soles or you will be seen as a wart-spreading, fungus-harboring interloper. In every public or club pool you must also have a swimming cap (cuffia) that covers all your hair (boys and girls alike).

childrens' (and grownups) undergarments: every self-respecting parent in Italy makes sure his or her offspring leave the house with a short-sleeved, cotton undershirt under his or her clothing, pretty much all times of the year, excepting the searing summer months when most kids, young and old, forgo them. These garments are especially important to kids who are in daycare or nursery school, as they often take a little nap during the day, stretching out on their little mats in their undershirts. One of my American friend's four-year-old daughter came home recently in tears because her clueless foreign mother had sent her off to nursery school wearing only a lovely pink t-shirt and nothing underneath and she -- poor thing -- had to take her nap wearing that and looking different from all the other kids. Needless to say, that hasn't happened again! Why the undershirt obsession? Well, Italians say that if your stomach and kidneys are not well covered you can get a) a stomach ache after eating if you catch a draft, or b) kidney or back problems if the draft catches you from behind. Hmmm. This lead me to another Italian obsession:

drafts, otherwise known as "la corrente," which is even the tiniest gust of air coming through a window or door at the wrong time and threatening to wreck havoc on your back, neck - usually -- and health in general. In my gym, if I suggest opening a window when we are all dying of the heat, I am frowned upon as this might produce "la corrente" on someone's sweaty body that will lead her (usually a her) to have chronic neck pains for days if not the rest of her life. And I'm just trying to BREATHE. When I tell my nice gym friends that "la corrente" is really not a problem for Americans, they look at me with that generic, condescending expression that tells me I will NEVER get it. And the window stays shut...